last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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