If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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