my vag is so smooth its legendary
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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