Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
