If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
