My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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