I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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