***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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