Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
