I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
