so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
