What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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