Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
