My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
