You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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