the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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