its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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