literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
