Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
