$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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