i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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