Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
