shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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