sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
