was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
