My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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