Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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