apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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