I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
