Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
