You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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