It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
