then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
