Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
