Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
