Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
