its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
