We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
