At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
