I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
