Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
