It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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