Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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