he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
