i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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