You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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