Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
