still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
