Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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