You work out of a Hotel?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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