Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
