Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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