I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
