Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
