dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
