upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
