i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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