I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
