if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
