I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
