he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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