i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There r osticjed everywhere
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
