um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How external is "for external use only"?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
