She said her name was "party"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
