Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
