apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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