Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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