Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if only i could text you this smell
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
