Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
