I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
