so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
