I cannot find my penis.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
