did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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