So drunk its hurt
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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