just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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