So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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