You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
