The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
