I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
