My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
