Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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