i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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