so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was like eating out sand paper
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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