How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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