My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
